Jokes

irish

 

So............... Irish jokes are always funny - but remember no offence is meant (just sometimes taken) 

Grab a pint of the stout and enjoy this weeks jokes x x

 

 

 

 

  • "Is that the Ballycashel Echo?" asks Mick.

    "How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?"

    "Five pounds an inch," a woman replies. "Why? What are you selling?"

    "A ten-foot ladder," said Mick before slamming the phone down

 

  • A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O’Grady after mass.

    He says: “So what’s bothering you?”

    She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

    The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?”

    "Certainly father," she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”

 

  • An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

    He says: "Have you been drinking?"

    "Just water," says the priest.

    The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

    The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

 

  • Dr O'Mahony tells his patient: "I have bad news and worse news, John."

    "Oh dear," John replies. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient.

    The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."

    "That's terrible," says the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"

    Dr O'Mahony replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

 

  • An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

    "Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."

    Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

 

  • Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.

    The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.

    When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.

    The barman says: “Wow! You sure drank those fast.”

    Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.”

    The barman asks: “What do you have?”

    The guy reaches into his pocket and says: “Fifty cents!”

 

  • One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

    "Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"

    Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"

    Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"

    Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

 

Have a great week - keep sending me the jokes

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