Parlez Vous?

Your Laird extends his deepest apologies (as ever) to his patient and loyal readers for the scarcity of Mansions thus far this year. Life keeps zipping by apace and it’s the months that are slipping by – when before it was only weeks. Much has happened since last I tapped the keyboard in pursuit of spreading the truth about the impending collapse of the world money markets, what’s going down in Corralejo and life chez the lovely Farida and the DD’s in the Mansion.

As announced in the last Mansion, Joey and Lori have finally done the deed and gotten married. The lovely Fari agreed to act as official photographer for the Mansion, using her brand-new mobile phone and was soon behind the desk with the Registrar snapping away at anything that moved. Sadly, she had the wrong setting activated and was recording very short and shaky videos. Luckily your Laird took a couple with his phone and can show you the happy couple in all their finery.

The reception was held in 5th Avenue, where Barry and Sarah excelled themselves with their hospitality and fine food. Later in the evening, the wedding party repaired to Rosie O’Grady’s for a further buffet and good craic. Joey’s back off to Lanzarote house-hunting, while Lori’s hanging on here cat-sitting. Good luck to both of you guys and make sure you stay in touch.

Carnaval, of course, has come and gone – the theme this year being ‘Under The Sea’ brought forth a myriad of mermaids, a plethora of pirates and a surfeit of surfers. As usual, the Demon Daughters were dressed up, along with their classmates for the big children’s parade and enjoyed their time off school.

 Best-dressed bar of the Carnaval has to be awarded to Corralejo’s oldest drinking establishment, The Blue Rock. Well done Claire (and Julian) for creating a full underwater scene, complete with King Neptune and his trusty mermaid sidekick.

Fari’s sister was with us for most of Carnaval, with her sons – so the language of the Mansion was mostly French for a week (or in your Laird’s case weakly French for the most!). We managed to squeeze in a whistle-stop tour of Lanzarote, including the volcano, all the caves and the Manriqué Foundation. The photo shows everyone at the Mirador del Rio in the far north, overlooking the islet of Graciosa.

Meanwhile, my manic mademoiselle herself has been adding yet more strings to her already overstrung bow. With the huge increase in French tourists coming to the rock these days, her services are increasingly in demand as a guide/translator/excursion host and she’s having a great time, especially leading the guided walks around the volcanoes.

Among regular returners to the rock, including Elaine and Sîan from Wales and Kerry and Sarah from Strathpeffer, have been Jeff and Julie over for a short hop from London. Jeff was particularly hopping after he ripped his big toenail clean off by strategically striking it on Solbank’s door. Needless to say he got to know the staff at the health centre quite well; having his dressing changed every couple of days!

All-inclusive packages are becoming more and more commonplace in Corralejo – where increasing numbers of tourists are being persuaded to purchase this holiday option. Some are arriving on half-board packages and are being offered the option of ‘upgrading’ to all-inclusive into these ‘free’ food and drink complexes and never need to leave the hotel grounds. As a result, local bars and restaurants in this resort village have been heavily hit, as they compete for the remaining customers.

Despite no reduction in tourist numbers over recent years, everyone has noticed a serious lack of clients spending in their establishments, as we feel the pinch from the plethora of plastic wristbands.

An association of proprietors is being formed – to speak up against these and other injustices The Association will be non-political and open to any proprietors in Corralejo, of any nationality, with a view to becoming a pressure-group working with the local authorities.

If you are interested, please come along to the inaugural meeting on WEDNESDAY 7TH MAY at 3PM in PENNY LANE (Waikiki Beach Road).

Local politics aside, on the world stage we’re seeing Robert Mugabe desperately trying to hang on to power despite having lost the recent democratic election in Zimbabwe. How history repeats itself – I seem to recall that although the majority of US voters opted for Al Gore in the 2000 Presidential election, Daddy’s pals in the Supreme Court managed to stop the recounts to steal the election for George W.

Gordon Brown’s aides must have had their heads in the sand when they suggested that his trip to the States was a good idea - when it clashed with the Papal visit. Very few US citizens I saw interviewed were able to recognise a photograph of dour Broon and when told his name, not many more knew he was the British Prime Minister!

Speaking of the Pope, he has apologised to all the victims of sex-abuse perpetrated by priests over far too many years. I’m delighted he’s made this U-turn – when he was Cardinal he was desperately trying to keep complaints within the church and not involve the police and justice systems. Let us pray that he comes to his senses over his continuing ban on condoms – sentencing hundreds of thousands more obedient Catholics to the horror of AIDS every year.

There’s an excellent new movie available at the moment. Called Zeitgeist, it is a thought-provoking consideration of the way ordinary citizens are controlled by their religions, by their leaders and by the banking system. Downloadable from the internet, there are many copies going around town. Be sure to watch it and discover your place in the great scheme of things.

One person who won’t be watching Zeitgeist will almost certainly be my old mate Maitland. I’m not suggesting that he’s a bit narrow-minded (indeed I’m not suggesting that he’s narrow anything!) – but he holds the view that the conspiracy theorists are mischief-makers who have got it all wrong and he doesn’t even believe in global warming! Maitland has been seen around town sporting his new Whereabouts tee-shirt, which I understand to have been made-to-measure.

Well, that wraps it up for another wee while. I’ll try to keep it to a wee while – but you know how unreliable your Laird’s become over the last year or so. Still at dutchbruce@gmail.com or by text or voice on 649 214 773 or most evenings attached to a Dorada bottle in Imagine bar.