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XMAS
JOKES
Read and
cring(l)e!
Why does
Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a
detective?
Santa Clues!
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his
birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now that's what you call pot luck!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !
What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest
while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
What did one Angel say to the other ?
Halo there !
What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards ?
Best vicious of the season
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas !
How to cats greet each other at Christmas ?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas ?
Cross mouse cards !
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ?
A merry Christmas to ewe
What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas
cards ?
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L !!) !
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Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa
Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.
Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all
the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.
Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas
politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO
the tree.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas
time?
A: Sandy Claus!
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on
Christmas Eve?
A: Because it " soots " him!
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th
reindeer "Olive" ?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used
to laugh and call him names"
Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about
buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for
Christmas?Q: Olive ?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used
to laugh and call him names"
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit
gets all the credit.
Q: What do
elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each
side.
Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess
bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a
gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts
get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a
vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
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