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Very Punny!
Here
are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun
Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir...
only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says..
"Dam!
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving
once again that..
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies.. "Yes, I'm
positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during
a root canal? His goal:..
transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as
they moved off. "Because," he said..
" I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up
for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is
named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name
him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also
had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
identical twins!...
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving
that...
only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh,
man, this is so bad, it's good) ...
a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally,
10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Thanks to Jeanne Quigley for these gems
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