|
Passport Application
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total
loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to
jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my
address and telephone number and knows that I bought a
satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government
is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes
round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me
every film or video I have had out since he started his
business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind
you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors
working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what
channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or
not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no
idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to
themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me,
including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for
the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my
driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all
those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30
years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done
every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to
complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for
re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born
in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is
Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert,
and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between
now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning.
But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the
application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What
is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there?
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want
to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go
and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple
of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to
Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because
you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a
racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the
services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new
passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and
maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the
place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some
tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture -
you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case
we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked
off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including
over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had
security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet
Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was
being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing
volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the
Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify
who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING
IN PAKISTAN...
Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.
Thanks to Tony and Lesley for these! |
