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Man
Jokes
A successful
rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was
determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about
ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch
hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a
drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else
applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be
safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day
and knew a lot
about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the
ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said, 'You have done a really
good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town
and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday
night.
He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he
found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass
of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he
did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them
neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly
watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands did as he
was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: 'If you ever wear my clothes
into town again, you're fired!'
Husband and wife are shopping at the supermarket when the man
picks up a crate of Stella and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife
"They're on offer, only £10 for 12 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they
carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream
and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies... "SO DOES 12 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF
THE PRICE"
Jack
decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up
Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours,
they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a
nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door
if they could spend the night.
'I
realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge
house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained.
'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my
house.'
'Don't
worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And
if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady
agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled
in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and
they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About
nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he
finally determined that it was from the attorney of that
attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He
dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember
that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski
holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes,
I do.'said Bob.
'Did
you, ER, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to
the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well,
um, yes,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found
out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And
did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her
your name?'
Bob's
face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry,
buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She
just died and left me everything.'
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the
wait
!!!!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy
were
doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a
building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for
lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos
again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off,
too."
The blond e opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I
get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned
beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to
his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If
I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I
never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him
tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so
much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's
wife said,
"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch ."
Thanks to Norah Albert for these! |
