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Differences
between Men and Women
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in
£20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change
back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but
it's on sale
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these
items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she
does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the
house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in
two people remembering the same thing.
Thanks to
Michelle Baker for these gems!
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