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Chain Mail
My many thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
year...
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat pooh
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every tin I open for the
same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
Although I no longer have any money at all, that will change
soon once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail
program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena will soon grant my
every wish.
I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to at least seven of my friends and make
a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink or buy Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains and is more expensive than
bleach.
I can't buy petrol without taking someone along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
filling up.
I will not go to shopping precincts because someone will drug
me with a sample of food or aftershave and rob me.
My phone doesn't get answered because someone will ask me to
dial a number following which I will get a phone bill with
calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, Outer Mongolia and
Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I'm too frightened to use anyone's toilet but
mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the
seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I could not even pick up the
£5.00 I found dropped in the car park, because it was probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting behind my car to grab
me..
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your
head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will
infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this
will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician.
Have a wonderful day!
By the way....A South American scientist after a lengthy study
has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent
sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on
the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late...
Thanks again
Thanks to Brian Smith for this
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